I lost my fiancé to suicide a little over a year ago. It’s been a hard year and I’ve had some really bad days where I have spiraled and “crashed out” as I call it yelling at the top of my lungs and breaking things . I feel so embarrassed and ashamed when I get into this state , I’ve only don’t it around my close family . But it makes me feel broken and like I am not handling my grief and trauma well. I feel like a failure and like I am causing my loved ones pain. I just want to feel like I am going to get through this and I am doing a good job when I have these moments I feel like it takes it all away, any work or progress that I’ve made.